You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
