you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize