Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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