Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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