dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We named our party play list daddy issues
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
