Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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