My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
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