Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
