My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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