I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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