Midget sex pt 2 tonight
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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