i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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