Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
