so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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