There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize