i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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