i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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