i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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