It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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