OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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