Got a toothbrush?
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I have demons in me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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