Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We left an ass print on the piano.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize