woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
