I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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