so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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