I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I will pee on everything he values.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
