Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
