Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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