i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
