Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
