She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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