I skipped work to stalk him.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
