tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize