AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize