I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
