we have officially lost it.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
