So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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