I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
