My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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