Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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