I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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