One girl and one boy is just not enough.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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