Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
