So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
