I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Someone signed my nipple.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
