you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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