Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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