If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
