i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
As shirtless as possible
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
