Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
