im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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