Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
