Cold hands, warm shart.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
