Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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