Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
True strength comes from lack of pants
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
