i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
