'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my shit smells like andre
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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