He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
