My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
