Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
