I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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