Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize