Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
