he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This baby is an asshole
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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