I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
