It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
