where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
