Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
