I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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